Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sometimes, in your life, you need to choose two different paths ─ the past and the present. And sometimes, though the past left you wounded, you still want to be there because it’s the only thing that makes you happy.
It has been a year ago since she left me without a trace. I don’t know what had happen to our love story. I have to admit, the very first month we went in separate ways was quite painful. I tried different ways to get in touch with her but still I failed.
After a few months of the wait, I turned weak and pale because of the constant sleepless nights and days. I also became too absent-minded in school, and in home, too. I was disturbed from my daily routines because I kept on thinking about her. I prayed, and hoped for her to come back. I promised to myself that when she comes back I’ll forget about the hurt and pain. I’ll forgive her and the two of us could start all over again.
I was too hopeless romantic. I was desperate for her to come back but, I realized that I have to move on. I got myself busy by doing lazy things to ease the pain she sowed in my fragile heart. I decided to court another girl whom I believe could help me solve my emotional problem. I was so crazy making me believed that all was going fine. I was a fool since everything I did results to failure. I couldn’t even forget her.
Several months after, I faced a big decision of opening the door of loving another being. I found another gorgeous, seductive, and kind lady that brought hope to my life. To make it short, we ended up into a happy relationship. We went to school together and I helped her with her assignments in math. During our vacant times, we talked much and went shopping.
I must admit, our relationship went deeper and sentimental, things went serious. We took a decision of giving ourselves in the middle of the night. We performed things which were supposed to be done by a married couple.
Every time she has problems with her family, she shared it to me. And of course, I did everything to comfort her and give her contentment. I told myself she‘s the right lady for me because she’s like a flower that scented my heart to love once again, a heart that once gone broken. I seemed to entrust everything to her ─ my whole love and life.
I thought we would end up happily ever after but, I was wrong. I woke up one morning, facing the reality that we cannot both be happy since there is something wrong with our relationship ─ I did not fully forget my ex-love.
It was just yesterday that my ex-girl friend showed herself to me, asking me a favor, to love her once more. I asked her why she left me; she said that it was about her parents forcing her to go Manila to work. Her parents confiscated her cell phone, thus, was the reason why she can’t communicate with me but, she decided to stay to be with me. I felt pity for her since I knew within myself that I still love for her.
What about my current girlfriend? Will I just let her go? This hard thing I am facing right now is no joke. I was confused and at the same time, scared. I need to decide! I can’t forget the pain I had with her! It reminds me that I’m such coward to decide. I cried loudly. I can’t move my body. I can’t even twist my finger. What was happening to me exactly?
So long after that, I was awakened by a rat which bit my left foot in the middle of the night. I was just having a dream, I was just dreaming! I stood up and I went to the kitchen, washed my face with cold water, and eventually, was relieved from the traumatic dream. I drank a glass of water and later on, my blood streams started to function normally again. The short trauma I had with my dream brought a moral lesson that one should value a relationship; one should not hurt someone and one should have a heart that waits.
Arbitrary pointer is a second year BS Mathematics student who love to fantasize the crucifix of abstracts.